Chapter 10

:: Tuesday, November 11, 2003 ::

So Monday was the last time I posted, eh? Well, now its next Tuesday. Er, well, the Tuesday after the Tuesday after the last time I posted. Hmm, quite a lot has happened in that time.

To start, the car wreck was not my fault. Everyone agrees and the old woman's insurance is going to pay for mom's car to be fixed. We thought it was going to be totalled. What can I say, they're ambitious.

So, that's a relief. I aced my physics test today (because I'm a genius) and I made a 5 (out of 5) on my Calculus test (also because I'm a genius). I'm a little tired from all the school and all the work, but once again, what can I say? It happens.

I personally am doing quite wonderful. Yesterday the dog chewed up my shoe, I ran out of gas on the way to school, I had a super flat tire, I discovered that the book I needed for almost a whole semester was due (and I didn't have it), I lost some very important grade sheet for my paranoid computer teacher, and Annikins isn't doing so well. Work is okay, but getting long and boring. I got paid yesterday, but nowhere near what I thought I was going to get, but much far past what I was getting. So I guess it balances.

My computer had a heartattack last night, or the night before, or sometime last year, I can't remember, days run all together now. He's okay now (or so I hope). I ache everywhere and I have a monstrous headache. I think I'm getting sick because my stomach has been in like super gear lately. You never know about these things. I get a nice four day leave from work, but I have to go back Saturday afternoon (better than 6 in the morning); unfortunately, I have to miss Jodi's birthday party. She turned 18 on the 8th. Or 7th. I lose track of these things.

I cut my hair. Its really short now (well, compared to before) and I shaved. But the scraggly is growing back. All the girls at work and at school are all like, "You're really cute, you know?" And I'm just like, "That's what Anne thinks and that's all that matters."

I broke the internet today. I tripped over the plug and shut down the whole thing.

Man I hate being a computer nerd.

I love science. It would so rock to be some kind of engineer for NASA or some kind of scientist guy. Or the new Manhatten project leader. Like the sub-nuclear bomb. Does the damage, has less danger of that whole, nuclear holocaust and global nuclear outbreak thing. Hmm...yeah, like that's possible. A guy I knew a few years back showed up at school today after being in Baghdad for awhile, and that whole war thing kinda sunk in. We're in war. Well, sure doesn't seem like it. Stupid politics. Bush is screwing the country and himself over by not pulling our troops out. Anyone ever think about the fact that the war started on an upcoming election year? And Bush JR is just finishing Bush SR's stupid mistake. He's wiping all the crap his father started. Too bad he spilled the mop bucket and now there's more water to wipe up than dirt that was there to begin with. Can you tell I spilled some water at work today and had to mop it up? Not that I'm bitter...

I so want to go to Fort Gibson right now and take Annikins in my arms and drive forever and forever until something stops us from going any farther. Too bad (or not) God has stopped us before we started. I wish I could take her away from everything sometimes. I mean, I feel so helpless, the way I have to sit by and watch her cry and watch her break down mentally and physically (she's super sick) and I can't do a thing about it. I mean, I feel like I'm being some kind of super loser boyfriend for not being able to do at least something, but what can I do? Just be with her. So I do. Tonight after work I made her a mocha (her favorite coffee drink) and drove out of town to Fort Gibson to give it to her. Mind you, I had a 20 mile drive (40 miles round-trip) to make in around 30 minutes. Not to mention talk to Annikins and hug her and such. Consider the circumstances and the fact that it probably wasn't a good idea to go, I headed out to see her, mocha in hand (or side door pocket)

However, when I got to her house, she wasn't there. I wasn't about to give up, so I hunted her down (as if she were a deer). I found her and hugged her and gave her her mocha and I felt like for once in awhile I did something useful for her. I wish I could do more. Take her away, take her worries, her troubles, her fears away. But that's not going to happen. I'm just a little ole' boy. Not much for me to partake in.

I love her so much, you know? I mean, she is so awesome. I want to go see her now. I can't stop thinking about her, and, Lord willing, I will never have to stop thinking about her. I can't wait to marry her and be with her forever. I can't wait to be her life, her only love. Someday, maybe. But, first I must focus on graduating, finding a college. I love her.

I'm going to go now and think about Anne. She rocks.

You know what, God rocks. Without him, nothing is possible. Not Anne, not me, not my life, my stories, my relationships. Nothing. I don't give him enough credit. Too bad I don't feel so close to him right now, but that's another thing. I'm working on that with him. Maybe soon I'll feel him again. Maybe not. The day I put everything aside, I'll be with him.

And, no. Annikins is not in my way with God. She helps me focus on him. That's what she's there for. To be a mirror to God. Trust me.

God is good. All the time.
Peace

:: Ben 11:25 PM [+] ::
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