:: Sunday, November 21, 2004 ::
Would I be mad at my children if they followed in my footsteps? If they joined the Army straight out of high school, decided to get married while gone at Basic, get married while their other is still in high school and also joined the Army? Who knows...
I am exactly who I want to be. I can't imagine life being any different. I'm happy, faults and all. My parents in no way are bad parents and I'm not saying that they are "mad" at me, I'm just curious if I would be mad at me. Of course, everything could (and probably will) change after Anne and I ARE married and after we do have children and raise them. You never know. But I do know that I like what I've become.
When I was a kid I always imagined who I would be. I imagined who I am. Happy and getting married to the woman of my dreams. The Army was hard. No lie. But possible. If my child wants to join, I'll drive them to the recruiter's office (I drove myself, but only because I knew my mom wouldn't even consider it), I'll sign any papers, and cry as they leave for Basic. But I will not tell them that they are making the biggest mistake of their life. No matter how much I feel like I have or how many times I've been told that. Make any sense? I didn't think so.
Yeah, my parents were quite upset at my joining. Yes, they said that I was (am) dumb and don't know what I'm doing. Maybe not, but I know what I've done and where I've gone. No, I won't be mad at my child. Getting married while still in high school? Nope. Why would I be mad. Anne and I are. I don't want to be a "do as I say not as I do" parent. A year from now I will definately have my own advice to give them on what's its like to be married so young. My parents have just as much advice and so much more. Do I ignore them? Never. It all goes in.
But do I follow? Not so much. I love them, but I am my own person. I need to make my own mistakes. If I had listened to mom and dad then I wouldn't have joined the Army and I wouldn't have learned so much. Or would I?
In The Matrix Neo goes to visit the Oracle for his message, or something. While she's speaking to him she tells him to not worry about the vase, which is followed by Neo turning to find a vase (saying, "What vase?") and actually bumping into one next to the door, resulting in it crashing to the floor.
"You're problably wondering how I knew that you would break the vase," the Oracle said. "But what will really get you is would you have broken the vase if I hadn't of said anything?"
Would I have still been shown such miracles from the good Lord and learn such awesome lessons about faith and been brought so much closer to Anne and my family if I hadn't of joined? And if so, how?
Enough of the past though. It's done. Over. I'm home and getting married in a month. Rock on.
Will I make my children study more than my parents did me? Will I push them for good grades? Will I make them play music? I want my children to be like me because I like who I am. But I want them to be themselves. Which scares me. Who will my children be? That is one thing I can't control. Can't even try. My (our, its a two person thing you know) children will be whatever they want. Oh my goodness. Who knows what that will be. With my and Anne's creativity put together into one other person, there is no telling whatsoever. As long as they are happy, I guess.
I want to kiss her so bad. Only a month left, but it will be one very long month. No, I'm not marrying Anne right now so I can just kiss her. I love her. I want to spend every waking moment with her (yeah, I know, not all that possible, but still...). I don't want to leave her at night anymore to come home. I want us to have a home. To be together. I love her. She's my pea.
Will we be able to make it? Don't know. I know that God will take care of us. I know that there are those of you out there that think relying on God that much is wrong, but I'm not wanting God to "rain money from heaven." I just know that God will watch over me and Anne. As long as we follow him and just have faith, what can go wrong?
If God is for us, who can be against us?
I should go to bed. It's 0100. I have church in the morning. Well, I don't HAVE church, I choose to attend church tomorrow to worship the good Lord. Yes, worship can be done alone, but can also be done in congregations. For teaching and reaching. Where two or more are gathered in my name, I shall be. (or something similar to that...)
Am I clueless? Am I living in a fairy tale? Only time and God will tell. Mainly God. My relationship with Anne does seem like a fairy tale to other people because of the sweet and wonderful story we have, and it is quite a hoot to be with her. I guess it is a fairy tale. Who said that it had to stop when we get married. Maybe the good Lord will keep watching over us. Who'd of thunk it?
(That probably didn't make much sense. Oops.)
I'm going to bed. Goodnight cyberworld.
God is good.
:: Ben 1:32 AM [+] ::