:: Monday, January 30, 2006 ::

Happy birthday to me

Okay, so Friday was my birthday. Joy. I'm now officially 20. My teenage years are behind me and there is so much more out there, right? Then why do I already miss being 19?

There isn't anything different from the two ages. There never is between any of them, but yet I feel this sense of crappiness. Like, "Whoa. I'm 20. I'm an adult."

I always saw 20 as being as adult. Of course, when you get married, you become an adult, so I've been an adult for over a year already. So why the big deal? Maybe because I'm going to war next month. Maybe because I have dreams of college and having a real career, instead of a dead-end job at this stupid place. Maybe because I have this rockin, out of the world compy.

I'll go with number three.

So for my birthday, Ann got me this awesome notebook. Its an HP Pavilion dv4000. I'm going to use it to stay in touch overseas because the phone is going to be WAY to expensive. Yes, more than the $1000 we spent on the computer. Anyway, I have joined the ranks of the mobile computing people and it feels nice. Just Sunday while we were at the laundromat, I picked up enough of a wireless signal to check my email. I felt special.

So this morning on the way to work I got the urge to drive around Tahlequah (on my usual route), trying to find open, unsecured wireless networks. There were quite a few and I might go back later and actually try to find them. Today I just noticed they were there.

Yeah, I'm lame.

Dude, do you know how much it sucks, knowing that in three weeks or so you'll be leaving for a year? When I was getting ready for BCT, I had three weeks or so, but I wasn't going to be gone for a year. AND I WASN'T LEAVING FOR WAR.

This really sucks. But it is something I feel I have to do. It's why I signed up in the first place. I have to serve my country. To me, drilling once a month isn't good enough. Cleaning up after a hurricane is fun and all, but I have to defend our freedom. I have to pay back those who died. I don't know why, I just do.

I can't explain it all, especially on keyboard and typing on a blog, but its all inside my head. It all makes sense. I just have to.

God is good. All the time.
Peace

:: Ben 3:52 PM [+] ::
...