:: Monday, March 13, 2006 ::
Green just isn't my color
D-Day + 3
Sometimes I sit and think to myself, "What in the world am I doing in this uniform?" That question plagued me a lot today on our 11 hour drive to Camp Shelby, MS. Sitting in my cramped little seat, surrounded by just a few of America's finest people, I couldn't help but wonder what life would be like if I hadn't of joined the Army. Where would I be? Where would Ann and I be? Would I be in college, or by some weird twist of fate would I still have somehow missed that boat?
Is it bad that I can't help but ponder why am I here? I'm not questioning the mission or anything to do with the Army, I'm just questioning my true reasons why I am sitting in a freezing cold tent in some back woods of Mississippi. Why did I volunteer to leave Ann for a year to spend the whole time with a bunch of men? God bless the USA, but am I the one to fight this battle? Can I truly stand up to the call presented before me to wage war against all enemies of America?
Don't get me wrong. I will definately get whatever job done that is handed down to me, but sitting in this tent, laying on this cot, miles away from home, I just wonder why.
Ann, I am sorry for doing this to us. This whole thing is far worse than I could ever imagine it being and this is just the first day that I haven't seen you! And, in fact, I saw you this morning!
I just have to look to the heavens and know that someone up there is watching out for me, watching out for Ann, and someday we will be reunited and we can put this whole thing behind us. I just have to have faith, have to perservere, have to drink water and drive on. I signed up for this as my dad always says. I am sacrificing my everything for a greater good, and that's what God wants us to do. Live our lives for something greater than ourselves. Live for him.
Is this war for him? Who knows. But this is my mission field for the next year and a half, and it will be a tough mission field. Pray for me, those of you at home. Pray that I will look to the heavens and get my strength from God above. I need help, Lord. I need you. I don't know if this is what you originally planned for me to do. I don't know if joining the Army was the smartest thing I have ever done, but I am here now, Lord! HERE I AM!
Pray, please. All of you. There are over 125,000 soldiers overseas, over 1 million in the force overall, serving you. Pray. Pray for all of us. Pray for your country, pray for your neighbor. Pray without ceasing.
In a year and then some, I will be home. What a day that will be! But for now, I am freezing in this tent. Please, all of you, pray. I cannot ask for more, I don't need anything else. Just prayer. If only words could explain my emotions right now! If only there was some way I could share my thoughts to you in a deeper manner than dark colored pixels. If only you could know what this is like.
For those of you that have served and have somewhat an idea what I am talking about, bless you. This experience, yes this one day alone, has given me a greater respect for the veterans that have served before me. The soldiers in Bastogne didn't have laptops to write home, the marines at Iwo Jima didn't have digital cameras to instantly send moments to their loved ones, those who suffered in the jungles of Vietnam didn't have MP3 players to bring a taste of home with them to the field. Bless you all. Thank you. What more can I say?
Have I grown up tremendously in the last year or so? I would like to think so. Basic training, being married, a trip to New Orleans, and now this expedition. I would like to think that I am somewhat a better person than I was two years ago. But only time will tell. I pray for you all at home. That you will be safe, but more that you will enjoy the freedoms granted to you by the Soldiers, Sailors, Marines, and Airmen of our military. Bless you all as well.
Father, forgive us for turning from you and making our nation less mindful of you. Bring us back, Lord. Cause a revolution in our nation that will forever shake our foundations and cause us to lean on you. Father, help us to praise you. Help us to love you.
I am cold. I am tired.
God is good. All the time.
:: Ben 3:45 PM [+] ::