:: Sunday, November 11, 2007 ::

The prodigal blogger returns

It has been a long vacation for me from blogging. People have asked me why I didn't start blogging again after I got back from the war. I guess the main reason is that I didn't have much to write about. I mean, all the things I would post about everyone that reads this already knew and everyone knows how much I hate redundancy.

However, things have changed once again. Ann is being deployed and has thus thrust me into a state of depression where I really don't talk about my feelings to anyone. I guess I see this an avenue because no one reads it anymore. Or so I assume.

I don't hide my feelings, honestly. I wear them out in the open for anyone to interpret who cares to spend the time doing so. I spilled my heart out for Ann every chance I had, but now I don't have that opportunity. Technology has failed us and her cell phone isn't as reliable as it was here in good ole Oklahoma. That happens, I guess. What can you expect?

I have started school finally, for those of you who meander upon this and don't that already. I should be graduating right now with my friends in May. I should be in my senior year preparing to live a life of working with my degree. Instead, I'm a freshman. Joy, huh?

I have several classes with people much younger than me. Kids I could call them. I have seen things these kids will never see (hopefully). I guess that sort of makes me bitter and angry. I don't know why. I'm not an angry war vet. I just wish that some people weren't so naive. Blind to the world and everything around them. I wish people wouldn't take everything for advantage. Freedom, liberty, the right to choose. Honestly, some people are just completely out of it. They don't realize a single thing about the outside world.

My eyes have been opened to it. Thrust into the world. I wish I hadn't of seen it. I wish I was still like the people in the cave. Oblivious to it all. Just living by the shadows. This sucks.

School is still good, though. I'm learning things by leaps and bounds. I'm learning more about myself than anything else. I'm discovering new boundaries, but more importantly how I function. How I work. If that makes sense. I hope I have been changed by the war and by school. I try to be more open to opinions. I try to be more understanding of stupid people. If only. If only.

Ann and I finally took a honeymoon to New York City. We stayed with our long time friends. It was a complete blast. It was a chance to forget about the war. Forget that Ann was leaving. Just enjoy ourselves and have the time of our lives, which we did. We spent nearly a week there and did more than you can imagine. We saw so many sights and did so much. We even made it onto television, looking like idiots. It was fun. It was awesome actually. Well, ACTUALLY, words can't describe it.

That's my life in a nutshell. Depressed about my wife being gone. Depressed about too many people living in ignorance. Depressed about the way things have become. All alone in this house again. It happens.

Plus I'm sick. I've been down for over a week with the cold. It's horrible. I want it gone. I want Ann back. I miss her.

Why does life have to be so hard? Why didn't we get a class about how hard life is in fifth grade rather than how to put a condom on. If you teach about how much life gets harder as you get older, kids wouldn't be out humpin' anyway. I can't imagine how worse this would be with a child. I don't even want to think about it. The two puppies I have are bad enough with their attitudes and unlistening personalities.

It will all get better eventually. Life goes on. You just have to soldier up and drive on, right? Drink water. That's the answer for everything.

I guess it's time for me to go back to laying in my bed alone. Dreaming of the day the war will be over and my life with Ann can begin.

Why didn't I see this coming?

:: Ben 11:31 PM [+] ::
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